Relationship Tips: How to Recognize Irrational Jealousy

When you love someone, it comes with strong feelings. You may not be used to dealing with such a range of intense emotions, and feelings like jealousy can be especially disconcerting. Sometimes, just the feeling of jealousy can seem like enough evidence to prove that your partner has done something wrong. Before you point a finger, here are some relationship tips to help you recognize irrational jealousy.

Irrational jealousy can be your past in disguise When you're feeling jealous, take some time to figure out if what you're experiencing is about what is going on right now, or if it is a reaction to something that your partner or someone else did in the past. What images are coming up? What feelings are you having? Do they point to something current, or are they speaking in black and white terms? Absolutes, like "They always do this to me", "I can never trust them", or "People always hurt me" are either signals of deep general mistrust or of being stuck in the past.

Irrational jealousy can be a need to control Sometimes, when you're jealous of someone it is because you are feeling out of control of a situation. This may have its roots in low confidence or in past betrayals, but if you are trying to control someone else, it is bad for your relationship. You cannot control someone else's thoughts, feelings, or actions. Having a mature and mutual relationship means communicating your feelings, making compromises to keep from hurting the other person, and knowing when you are crossing lines you shouldn't cross. If you're having trouble with jealousy and the need to control and you can't seem to talk with your partner about it, you may want to consider individual or couple's therapy.

Irrational jealousy can be low self-esteem Irrational jealousy is often rooted in low feelings of self-worth. If you don't feel good about yourself on your own, you need someone else to constantly remind you of your worth. If that person is not focused on you, it is natural to feel jealous, even if they aren't doing anything off limits. Instead of calling them to task, try to work on your own feelings of self-worth. Good self-worth is built on self knowledge, accomplishments, and living with integrity. It takes time to build up your self-esteem. Tell your partner what you are trying to do, and you'll probably get help from them, as well.

Founded jealousy should not be ignored Irrational jealousy must be separated from actual, founded jealousy. If you have a gut feeling that your partner is lying to you, or if you actually catch them in lies, you have good reason to feel jealous and betrayed. There are lines in any relationship: lines you set together and lines that are set by society. If you see your partner consistently crossing those lines, by kissing or flirting heavily with other people, for instance, the two of you need to have a conversation about boundaries and how it makes you feel when those boundaries are crossed. Try to keep your feelings separate from the facts. Share both feelings and facts with reserved emotion and try to keep from slinging insults or making accusations. Learn to communicate about this part of the relationship, and you'll have less reason for jealousy down the road.

Have a Healthier Relationship - Tips on Keeping Your Relationship Strong

If you and your significant other are in a serious relationship, then arguments, disappointing surprises, and small differences are no stranger. There are many ways to handle relationship problems, the key being proactive and constructive communication and action. Building a stronger relationship with your significant other requires more than just talking and spending time together. Many times, couples fall into the dreaded routine of a relationship and don't even realize it. Here are some simple steps on how to keep your relationship going in the right direction.

1. Show affection daily. Women, as well as men, like to know that they are loved so touching, hugging, kissing and showing affection in areas other than the bedroom can translate into a deeper sense of intimacy. A hug in the kitchen, a random love note or random I love you call, those special smiles that say I'm glad your mine, and moments of laughter can bring back the affection and intimacy.

2. Think of others. A natural result of routine is taking your significant other for granted. Just because you have spend several years together does not mean your significant other is there to tend to you at every moments notice. Be considerate, sharing the cleaning time, and spend time together on the days that count.

3. Say thank you like you mean it. Never take your significant other for granted. So show them and tell them how much you appreciate the little things they can do, regardless of if its for your benefit or not. The bed is made every morning before your get out of the shower, there are flowers on random days, and a simple 'you're the best'.

4. Encourage them. We are humans and everything we do does not revolve around the relationship. Encourage your significant other's interests and hobbies and let them know that its part of why your attracted to them. Waking up in the morning to do yoga together, packing sandwiches for a fishing trip, and going to art galleries together shows them that you appreciate them for who they are, and not what they can do for you.

5. Stay attractive. Many relationships go through the comfort phase where they begin to work out less, groom less, and get a little too comfortable. Relationships require work and cant' fly on autopilot. Likewise, being comfortable with and trusting someone does not mean to let yourself go since you're off the market. Occasional farts are OK for both parties, but please keep it to a minimum.

6. Share. But share within the relationship. Don't share the intimate details of every fight or romantic event with friends. But do share the daily household chores. Do share relaxation time. And men please, it takes two people to raise kids. Do share the child rearing responsibilities. Basically, be smart. A relationship is between two people - what you share defines what your relationship is.

7. Be naughty! I don't know about you but the same thing after so many year can be...well, boring. Holding hands for long walks, taking baths together, massaging each other, and some extra props are a great way to spice up the night. A good idea for those who are too shy to role play: a night at a hotel can instantly sexy-up the atmosphere. Make sure to tell the kids they're staying at their aunt's though.

8. Communicate. Communicate in ways other than yelling, screaming, negative put downs, and any threat with the word divorce. Be proactive in your relationship and talk about the areas you need to work on, and the areas that just make you scream with happiness. Communicate the good and the bad in a constructive way. And be smart. Even talking about areas that need work could lead to a good night.